And the winner of my Pirates vs. Ninjas Movie Poster Contest was...
nerdjedi, with this poster. I should mention, however, that nerdjedi won by default: he was the only person who entered. That's two contests down the tubes. I'm officially goving up on contests.
Anyway, I couldn't come up with a decent costume for tonight so I'm going to do what I d every year: throw on some camo clothes and pretend I'm a soldier. Oh well.
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or the press, or the right of the people to peaceably assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
And the winner of my Pirates vs. Ninjas Movie Poster Contest was...
Posted by Raptor at 3:23 PM
Monday, October 30, 2006
First off, good news: My cold is gone!
Secondly, better news: Eye of the Tiger is no longer stuck in my head.
Third, my Ninjas vs. Pirates movie poster contests ends tomorrow and I only have 1 entry! Lets go, people!!!
Halloween is tomorrow night and I have no costume. *sigh* So, I guess this means I'll do what I do every year: throw on some of my camo clothes and dress up as a soldier while I hand out candy to the little kiddies... hey, what the...? HEY!
*random scuffling sounds*
And as we all know, Halloween is the night when the most monster attacks are reported, so protect your little Trick-or-Treaters with the newest product from MonsterSlayer Inc.!
We first take a Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine gun and modify it to reliably fire silver 9mm hollowpoint rounds, making it ideal for both zombies and werewolves. Then we add and extended accurized barrel with an intergral supressor and a scope, which we pre-zero at the factory for excaptional accuracy out to 200 yards. Next we attach a bipod for further aid in accuracy at longer ranges. Then we add two laser/flashlight modules (one on each side of the barrel) for anti-vampire combat. A third laser sight below the scope adds further accuracy at extreme range. Lastly, we attach a grenade launcher below the barrel, which fires incendiary gernades (perfect for dealing with mummies) out to a range of 80 yards. A tactical sling for easy transport completes the package.
The MonsterSlayer Inc. AMT2 represents the pinnicle of Anti-Monter Tool technology. This is, without a doubt, the ultimate solution for keeping your Trick-or-Treaters safe this Halloween!
Thanks, but I prefer my good ol' .45 here.
Okay, that random salesmen guy who keeps invading my blog has been-ah-dealt with. Permanently. You know, it's ashame he had to-uh-leave, as this is one sweet MP5. I don't think he'll mind if I keep it...
In the mean time, my offer to link to your blog if you link to mine still stands. Let me know if you set up a link.
Anyways, yeah, that's all I got for now. GET THOSE POSTERS IN ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Raptor at 3:46 PM
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Halloween is rapidly approaching, and as we are all aware, this means that Monster Season is coming to a head. What, you mean you've never heard of Monster Season? Where have you been for the last 500 years, under a rock? *sigh* Okay, I'll explain.
Monster Season, Mr. Rock Dweller, starts in the end of September, when Holloween decorations and costumes start to go on sale. It starts out small, a werewolf sighting here, a zombie attack there. Things really get into gear during the last two weeks of October when the Monster Movie Marthons start in ernest on TV. This is the time when reports of encounters with monsters become more frequent and vicious. The season ends-rather climactically-on Halloween night. This is the night when more attacks are reported-and more fatalities occur-than the last five weeks put together.
Needless to say, it is imperrative that one takes the proper precaution to ward of monsters when Trick-or-Treating. But herein lies the problem; what works against one type of monster might be totally ineffective against another. For example, driving a stake through the heart of a vampire results in instant death, but the same cannot be said if the target is a zombie or a ghost.
So, what's an intrepid Trick-or-Treater (or ToT Chaperone) like yourself to do? Well, you could weigh yourself down with several pounds of stakes and garlic cloves (for vampires), silver (for werewolves), matches and lighters (for mummies and zombies) and flashlights (for ghosts). Or you could just carry one of these:
We start with a standard 12-Gauge shotgun, which is perfect for decapatatng Zombies at close range. Load it with 00-Buckshot made of pure silver, and you have an ideal solution for werewolf attacks. The tactical flashlight-already ideal for destroying ghosts-has been modified with a high-intesnity sunlamp bulb, making it perfect for use against vampires. When the package is complete, you have the ideal Anti-Monster Tool (AMT).
But what if you're facing down a horde of charging monsters? In that case, we offer this little honey:
Of course, one should take care to verify that the "monster" they are attempting to vanquish is actually a real monster instead of a harmless Trick-or-Treater. MonsterSlayers Inc. cannot be held liable if one of our products is used, whether intentionally or unintentionally, to harm innocent Trick-or-Treaters.
So pick up a MonsterSlayer Inc. AMT today at your local Halloween Supply Store today and have a safe-and monster-free-Halloween!
Hey! What the heck are you doing with my blog?
*shoves random salesman away from computer*
Okay, sorry about that. Anyways, my Ninjas vs. Pirates Movie Poster contest ends at 12:00AM on Tuesday, and I only have one entry, so hop to it!
Posted by Raptor at 1:42 PM
Saturday, October 28, 2006
I can't take it anymore. I've had Eye of the Tiger stuck in my head for the past four days. My sanity is slowly eroding away to nothingness. I feel like putting my head through a wall.
Take my advice, don't ever listen to a song two dozen times in a row. Especially when it has a super-catchy beat like Eye of the Tiger.
I'm losing it. No matter how hard I try, I can't get this song out of my head. I don't know what to do. Help me, please.
Okay, that felt good. Didn't help with my problem, though.
So yeah, after re-reading Reservoir Mutts, I've decided I don't like it nearly as much as Just Another Day at the Office. I guess what they about sequels is true.
Okay, good news and bad news. The good news is that I no longer have Eye of the Tiger stuck in my head. The bad news is why-they played The Monster Mash on the radio just now, so now that's stuck in my head!
Posted by Raptor at 9:47 AM
Friday, October 27, 2006
Warning: Extreme violence and some language
Some people watch too many movies. Like the guys from my last job. A bunch of Quentin Tarantino wannabes, I tell ya. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start back at the beginning.
It all started with, fittingly enough, a diamond heist. A group of thugs stole $5 million in diamonds from my employer, figuring they could get away with it scott-free. I mean, come on, a crime lord isn't exactly going to call the police and tell them his ill-gotten jewels were stolen, right? Right. He called me instead.
I tracked the thieves to an abandoned mortuary, a fitting location in more than one way. I entered the building through an unlocked side door, my trusty Glock 10mm at the ready. I could hear the six men inside; it sounded like they were arguing. The room I entered was empty, so I quietly moved towards the doorway to the building's main room. What I saw in there almost-almost-made me laugh. Six men, sitting around a table, all of them with their hair slicked back, and all of themwearing Ray-Ban sunglasses and Agnes B suits. Holy crap! What did they think this was, Reservoir Dogs? Reservior Mutts was more like it. They're probably all carrying Smith & Wesson automatics too, I thought to myself jokingly. Then I got serious.
I stepped into the room, my Glock up and ready. But the six guys (I'd named them after the bandits from the movie) were so engrossed in their game of poker-which they were playing with my employer's diamonds instead of chips-that they didn't even notice me. Not that I can fault them; it was cut-throat. One of the guys, Mr. White, had just won about $300,000 from another, Mr. Orange, and Orange wasn't happy. He slammed his fist down on the table and yelled that White had to be cheating. Mr. Pink laughed and told pink to calm down. Orange didn't calm down, in fact he did quite the opposite: he picked up his can of beer and hurled it across the room. Straight into my gut.
The six guys all whirled arround in surprise as I grunted in startled pain; he hit me hard! Then, in a move that would have made Mr. Tarantino himself very proud, they all shoved their chairs away from the table in unison and reached into their jackets. They all pulled out Smith & Wesson automatics and pointed them at me. I dove for the floor as a hail of 9mm slugs tore through the space I'd just been occupying, double-tapping my Glock's trigger as I hit the ground. Mr. Brown's head popped like a baloon. One down.
I rolled quickly to my right, rapid-firing at Mr. Orange. I got him once-in the stomach, ironically enough-before my Glock went dry. I scurried behind the small refrigerator in the rooms corner for a quick reload. No sooner do I release my gun's slide lock then Mr. Pink comes flying over the fridge, firing wildy. Three 10mm hollowpoints to the chest taught him the stupidity of such a move. Not that they mattered; his neck snapped when he landed head-first on the concrete floor. Two down. I swept out from behind the fridge and spotted Mr. Blue drawing a bead on me. I squeezed the trigger four times and watched him go down hard. Three down. I saw Orange trying to get back to his feet a second later. Two hollowpoints to the head ensured he'd never make it. Four down. And now the room is empty. Not good. Mr. Blonde pokes his head out from behind a shipping crate. I fired twice, missing, but forcing him behind cover. Then a bullet whizzed by, less than an inch from my right ear. I did a wild mid-air twist to bring my gun to bear on Mr. White, who'd taken refuge in the room I entered from. All of my shots missed, and my Glock's slide locked back on an empty magazine. And that was my only reload. Damn it!
I spotted Mr. Brown's S&W lying on the ground a yard in front of me and dive on top of it. He never got a shot off, so it had a full clip. Mr. Orange was lying dead next to me, another S&W clutched loosely in his hand. I relievedhim of his weapon, just as Mr. Blonde and Mr. White both came out from behind their cover. I put a gun on each of them, but none of us fired.
My gaze flicked back and forth between my enemies for a long moment, before the irony of the situation-that we'd just walked into a scene straight out of a Quentin Tarantino move-wore off. My two "friends," on the other hand, seemed to be drinking the irony up like it was cold beer at a football game. Their loss.
"The hell with this," I said after I'd grown tired of looking the starry, far away look in their eyes (they must have been major Tarantino fans), and let the S&W in my left hand-Mr Orange's-fall, dropped to one knee, and put two 9mm slugs into Mr. Blonde's face. The gunshots snapped Mr. White out of his stupor and he fired reflexively. His shot passed a good two feet above my head. I spun 180 degrees, rising into a half-crouch as I turned, and unloaded the rest of my Smith's magazine into White's chest. He was dead before he started to fall. I picked up my Glock and Orange's S&W, walked over to the table, retrieved my employer's diamonds, and calmly walked from the building, reminding myself to carry more spare ammo next time.
Posted by Raptor at 8:42 PM
Thursday, October 26, 2006
I woke up this morning to find only one of my nostrils functioning normally and an abnormal amount of pressure behind my face. In other words, I've got a head-cold. Rats. I can't breathe through my nose and my head feels like it's going to explode. This stinks. But how would I know, since I can't smell? Yeah, I know, the joke was awful, so sue me. (I'm being facetious. That was a joke. Don't really sue!)
In happier news, Chapter 4 of More Than a Job is complete! It's shorter than the last 3, but this time there's some action going on. Check it out! Acutally, be sure to read Chapter 3 if you haven't alreadydone so, otherwise Chapter 4 will make no sense. Does anyone actually read More Than a Job? Seems like Sam's the only one who comments on it...
I think I'm going to write another "guilty pleasure" action scene as Sam calls them. It's going to star the same narrator/protagonist as Just Another Day at the Office. The tenative title for this one is Reservoir Mutts. It'll go up in a day or two...
That's all for now. PLEASE COMMENT!
Posted by Raptor at 11:18 AM
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Take my advice, if you ever get EYE OF THE TIGER on CD, don't listen to it 2 dozen times in a row! I did that yesterday, and 24 hours later I still have the song stuck in my head! ARGH!
On another note, for those of you who don't know,
Posted by Raptor at 1:44 PM
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Good vs. Evil
Red vs. Blue
USA vs. USSR
Republican vs. Democrat
Vanilla vs. Chocolate (vs. Strawberry)
The Light Side vs. The Dark Side
Cowboys vs. Indians
Eagles vs. Cowboys
Of all the great rivalries throughout history, none are more ancient, more bitter, more heated (or more humorous) that
Posted by Raptor at 1:34 PM
Monday, October 23, 2006
Take 2/3 a cup of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, add a stick of Star Wars, along with a dash of originality for flavor. Mix in a bowl at high speed and viola! You get this video:
I like it !!!!!!!!!!
Also, I've decided to stop being super-nit-picky when it comes to Sam's Anonymous. Authors are allowed some creative liberty, so I'm going to stop being super-critical about all those little details that your average Joe (or Jane) would never pick up on. So, unless someone fits a silencer on a revolver (which Sam thankfully corrected), or hiding a shotgun in a handbag, I'll leave you alone. Actually, come to think of it, if you have an oversized handbag and saw off the stock and all but the first four or five inches of a double-barreled shotgun, you might be able to fit it in the handbag. Effective range would only be about ten feet, but up close, that thing would be incredibly lethal!
On another random note, I've re-written the ending of Chapter 3. Sam pointed out to me how weird it sounded and after rereading it I've come to agree with him.
Posted by Raptor at 11:13 AM
Sunday, October 22, 2006
- What does "XD" mean?
- Despite what Jen might claim, nerdjedi is not a target! I have absolutely no desire to shoot him with an airsoft gun, nor do I have any illusions about what might happen if I did. And, on a similar note, nerdjedi actually shot me with an airsoft gun once!
- Sam, a .357 Magnum cannot knock a person over. Nor can a .44 Magnum, nor a .50AE, nor a .475 Wildey Magnum, not even a .500 Magnum can knock someone over from recoil force. The only kind of gun that I think could come close to knocking someone over from the force of its recoil is a pistol that fires a .50 BMG cartridge. Usually, rifles like this Barret M82 are the type of firearms that are chaimbered for .50 BMG. And to give you an idea of just how big the .50 BMG is:
From right to left, we have a .22 Long Rifle, a 5.56 NATO (fired from an M16), a 7.62 Soviet (AK-47), a .308 Winchester (a typical hunting cartridge), a .300 Winchester Magnum (used by most police and military snipers), and finally the .50 BMG cartridge.
EDIT: My friend, Joe (whom I briefly mentioned in my last post) told me once of a man who brought a .50BMG pistol to his father's firing range. According to Joe, either the man had removed the pistol's muzzle brake or else it didn't have one, so the recoil of the gun broke both of the man's wrists. Ouch. Also, I'm sorry if I sounded angry or pushy earlier. I had yet another discussion (more like an argument) with my mother last night over why I, a legal adult, cannot spend $290+ shipping of my own money and buy and airsoft gun and all of the required accesories (battery, charger, spare magazines, etc). Basically, mom's argument boiled down to how guns are evil, that they're purely instruments of death and destruction, yadda yadda yadda, and that the first think I'll do with it is shoot my brother. That last comment really made me angry, as I've owned a piece-of-crap spring pistol for almost two years and never shot anyone with it. I was still ticked when I checked the blog, and Jen's comment really struck a nerve. So again, I applogize if I sounded pushy or rude earlier.
On a different note, look for a new chapter of More Than A Job. It'll be up soon. DISREGARD THIS STATEMENT, FOR IT IS OUT OF DATE: CHAPTER 3 HAS BEEN POSTED AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Raptor at 12:43 PM
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Well, you're all about to find out.
I've always been a big fan of the military and military history, so I used to watch all those shows that came on the History Channel, including a show called Tales of the Gun, which documented the history of famous firearms and gunsmiths. The M16, the AK-47, the Colt Peacemaker, the Wincherter repeater rife, all those.
Anyways, my interest really took off about three years back when I saw a blurb about airsoft on the History Channel (show was called Tactical to Practical. It's not on anymore). I had been thinking about taking up paintball at the time, and thought airsoft warranted a look. So, I did what any Internet-savvy teen would do; I Googled it. And a retail site called RedWolf Airsoft. So, being the inquisitive person that I am, I decided to check the site out. And found litereally hundreds of different kinds of airsoft guns. And, being the curious person that I am, when I saw a replica of a gun that I didn't recognize, I Googled it. And so on and so forth.
Also, around the same time I discovered airsoft, I met a kid at my high school named Joe. We became friends soon after this. Anyways, Joe knew a lot about guns-actually he still knows a lot about guns-and, being the curious person I am, I did lots of research on guns so I could understand what he was talking about. Later, I found out that both of his parents are ex-CIA, and his dad was actually part of a paramilitary team. (I'm not making this up! He told me his dad was ex-Agency, but I didn't really believe him. Later, my dad noticed a pin of the CIA crest on his mom's jacket and asked about it.) Also his dad, who lives in California, owns a firing range.
Lastly, I watch a lot of action movies and read a lot of military-fiction books (like Tom Clancy), so, again beging the curious person that I am, every time I read about a new gun or weapons system or the like, I either Google it or look it up on Wikipedia.
One thing I'd like to make one point clear; I'm not a violent person. Okay, I might smack nerjdedi upside the head every once in a while, but that's only when he does something really dumb (like punching a hole in the bottom of a can of Coca-Cola and making it explode all over the kitchen) and deserves to get smacked. I am interested in guns, yes, but I have absolutely zero desire to kill people. Yes, I'm interested in airsoft, which is where you basically run around shooting people with replicas of real firearms. But despite what nerdjedi might tell you, I am not a homicidal sociopathic killer. I do plan on owning a handgun when I'm older, but I'm only going to use it for target shooting and-if absolutely necesasry-defending my home and loved ones. And before nerdjedi says anything stupid that might get me in trouble, I'll only be shooting paper or cardboard targets.
Okay, now that that's all over with...
If anyone, like Sam or nerdjedi, is ever writing a story/book and has a question or needs info about guns, let me know. I'll help as best I can. Oh, speaking of which, Sam, for your Vanquisher story, if you're looking for a compact firearm that's easily concealable, I reccomend a Glock 26. It's a tiny 9mm with a 12 round magazine capacity. Again, if you're using a silencer, 9mm subsonic hollowpoints are probably your best bet.
P.S. What's with this O_o thing? What does that mean?
Posted by Raptor at 3:07 PM
...Jim Henson and George Lucas for having the "Stars of Star Wars" guest star on The Muppet Show.
Now please don't get me wrong. I like The Muppet Show. I really like Star Wars. But after seeing what happens when you mix the two. well let's just say I'll never be able to view Luke Skywalker in the same light ever again.
The episode starts out pretty normal...
...well, normal for The Muppet Show, anyways. But things go downhill from there. Fast. Like when Luke hijacks the spaceship on the Pigs in Space skit to look for Chewbacca...
There's more, but I can't find it as of yet. I'll post it when I do. Also, I apologize for the poor quality of the videos. But it's YouTube, not much I can do.
Also, I got a picture of the P90 airsoft gun I'm gonna get along with a Wii:
That's all for now, but I will update when I find more videos.
Posted by Raptor at 10:41 AM
Friday, October 20, 2006
My creative juices have run dry. Hopefully this is just a temporary situation.
What does this mean for you, the reader?
Well, first, it means that Chapter 3 of More Than a Job won't get posted today, and maybe not tomorrow if I voluteer at the museum.
Second, it means that I'm going to just ramble randomly for the remainder of this post.
Okay, check this Newsweek article out. Is this a sign of the apocalypse or what? I don't know whether to jump for joy or run for the bunker.
If Hollywood got off it's rear and made a new Robin Hood movie, who should be cast as Robin Hood; Orlando Bloom, Ewan McGregor, or Hugh Jackman?
This here is my dream car. It's a Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren.
0-60 mph in 3.8 seconds
Top Speed 208 mph
575 ft-lbs of torque
Cost: $452,750 (plus Tax) That's why it's my dream car. Odds are I'll only ever get to dream about driving it.
Should I spend my money on a Wii (new Nintendo system that comes out next month)...
...or a new airsoft rifle?
They both cost about the same.
Just out of random curiosity, how come no one comments on my blog?
My offer still stands; link your blog to mine (and let me know you did) and I'll link back.
...okay then. Blogger was acting up there for a minute. Said it couldn't connect, and if I tried to post or save a draft I'd probably loose what I was working on.
Blogger's wierd. If I hit "enter" enough times, it double-spaces automatically, even when I don't want it to. Anyone know if and how I can turn this off?
Yeah, I'm really bored. Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored...
Scooter's been acting crazy all day. And his breath smells awefull! Like rotting tuna fish.
Can't wait until Casino Royale comes out. 28 days left!
I can't think of anything coherent to write, except that I've been writing this post for about 45 minutes and this is all I've got. Pathetic, isn't it?
EDIT/UPDATE: I've decided that instead of buying an airsoft replica of a Heckler & Koch G36 (see above picture), I'm going to get a replica FN P90. Blogger is being stupid and not letting me upload a picture, but it's the gun that they use on Stargate. I'll put a pic up as soon as Blogger starts cooperating. Anyways, the P90 is $200 cheaper than the P90, so I'll be able to get both the Wii and my airsoft gun. HORRAY!
Posted by Raptor at 3:31 PM
Thursday, October 19, 2006
First off, here are my three favorite characters from the old Muppet Show: The Swedish Chef and Bunsen + Beaker!
These guys are the best, though these aren't my favorite skits. I'll post those when I find 'em.
Next up we have a wierd video I found the other day. Muppet Treasure Island + The A-Team =
But this one's wierder! Don't watch it unless you want a really annoying song stuck in your head.
Another Swedish Chef skit. This one freaked me out when I was little (like 2):
Okay, that's enought movies for now.
I posted Chapter 2 of More Than A Job. Be warned, that blog is having some issues. I'm working on those...
EDIT: I've fixed the issues present with More Than A Job. However, this means that the blog is no longer in "book-like" format. Unfortunately, I'm not experienced enough with Blogger to do anything fancy at the present time. Maybe in the future I can make it fancy, but at the present time it's just a normal blog. *sigh*
Posted by Raptor at 3:10 PM
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
As I stated in previous posts, I am setting aside Legacy of the Swan for now and proceeding with writing a new story, tentatively titled More Than a Job.
As I said earlier, More Than a Job is a modern-day Cinderella story with a major twist: Prince Charming is actually a hitman hired by the Evil Stepmother to kill Cinderella. Hmm...
This is actually the first installment of a trilogy of stories that I've been toying with for a while. The second, currently titled Codename: White Knight actually the first story of the three I thought up before I decided to tie it in with MTaJ. The third story is unnamed as of right now, but I can't really say anything about either of them without giving away the plot of MTaJ. Eventually (when I figure out how), MTaJ, along with the other two stories, will be moved to a separate blog in the style of nerdjedi's Adventures of Jack Sinclair and Sam's Anonymous.
As with Legacy, suggestions for an alternate title are welcome and encouraged (because I can't think up decent titles to save my life).
Okay, that's enough of me blabbing (various knights, creepy old bridgekeepers, and magical beings named Tim are yelling at me to "Get on with it!") So, without (any more) further ado, I present More Than a Job, Chapter 1.
EDIT: I appologize for the bad formatting fo the story. Blogger seems to have a thing about block paragraphs. This question is mainly for nerdjedi and Sam: How do you guys get your block paragraphs to work? I hit "enter" twice, but it doesn't seem to register when I publish. What do you do to make it work for you? Any help here would be really appreciated and might warrant a guest post if it works!
EDIT 2: I have created a seperate blog for More Than a Job. You can visit it here. It's still kind of a work in progress (both the story and the new blog), so both the story and blog template will be edited as I go. Pleas let me know what you think!
Posted by Raptor at 12:12 PM
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
- Sam, I think your blog is broken. I can't access it. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
- Why does no one comment on my blog?
- I'm planning on posting my new story, tenatively titled More Than A Job. Check my last post for details. Suggestions for a new title are welcome.
Well, that's that. Short, sweet, and to the point(s?). Might post chapter 1 later tonight.
UPDATE: Sam's blog appears to be working again (if it was ever broken; my computer's a piece of ****). Disregard point #1.
Posted by Raptor at 5:45 PM
Sunday, October 15, 2006
In hindsight, Legacy of the Swan probably wasn't the best story to post on my blog. At the very least, it was a poor choice for a first story. I hadn't really thought out the entire storyline in advance, and I'll readily admit all the flashback sequences were confusing.
However, after much thought, I'm thinking about giving a blog-borne story another shot. This one's an idea that I've been toying with for a while now, and nerdjedi's English projects have inspired me to possibly post this story on the blog.
The story is a modern-day Cinderella, but with a major twist: "Prince Charming" is really a hitman hired by the Evil Stepmother to kill Cinderella!
Interested at all? Let me know.
Also, my offer still stands: you link your blog to mine, I'll link back.
Posted by Raptor at 12:37 PM
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Okay, all ye readers who have blogs, listen up! I'd like to get more exposure for *Insert Title Here* so I'm going to make an offer;
If you put a link on your blog to my blog, I'll link back to you. Sound fair? Once you link, send me your blog's URL and I'll set up the return link as soon as I can.
Okey-dokey, then. (If I ever say that again, please throw something at me...)
UPDATE I fixed the link to Jen's blog. It works now.
Posted by Raptor at 1:56 PM
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Inspired by Sam's post entitled Art Form. NOT A COPY!!!!
I sneak through the warehouse, careful not to make a sound. Somewhere in here, among the alternating neat rows of shelves and random piles of stuff, are a few people that my employer thinks need to be taken care of. My silenced Glock 10mm has been in my hand since I walked through the unlocked back door.
A noise off to my left instantly grabs my attention. A man's laughter. I raise my Glock and move slowly towards the end of the row of shelves and peer around the corner. There they are: a large, muscular, bald man; an older, thinner man with dark brown hair wearing an Armani jacket; another man, this one a blond, not much more than a teenager; and a young, very attractive woman-she reminds me a little of Lara Croft-wearing a black tank top. I've got the element of surprise, so I figure can take them all out before they know what hit them. Then baldy glances over towards me. We make eye contact, and from twenty feet away I can see his pupils dilate.
Baldy lunges to his feet, knocking the table over onto a very surprised Blondie. His hand reaches into his jacket and reappears holding a massive revolver, which I recognize instantly as a Magnum Research BFR Long Cylinder. (MR claims the acronym stands for "Biggest, Finest Revolver," but everyone I know calls it by a slightly different name...) I dive behind the shelves as the massive revolver discharges, spitting an extremely large-caliber bullet (I don't even want to think how big it might be) towards my body. Fortunately for me, he misses wide. His second shot destroys the stereo receiver on the shelf above my head, showering me with electronic components. I decide I've had enough of Baldy's portable Howitzer and roll from behind my cover, double-tapping my Glock's trigger as I clear the shelves. Baldy doesn't even have time to react before his head is blown apart in a fountain of gore. Lara Croft screams at the gruesome sight. Yeah, 10mm hollowpoints do that.
By now, Blondie's gotten himself out from under the table and Armani's spotted me. Double trouble. I do a flying leap across the aisle, bullets from Blondie's submachine gun barely missing me. I land behind a pile of what look like old car mufflers, shift into a crouch, and return fire. Unfortunately, Blondie dodges my half-dozen shots and moves out of my line of sight. I shift targets, looking for Armani. That's when bullets start bouncing off the mufflers. I turn to see Armani charging me, a blazing pistol in each hand. I wheel around behind the pile until he stops firing, then duck out from behind cover. My four shots catch him square in the chest, ruining his thousand-dollar jacket. He falls forward, his pistols fly from his hands and land at my feet. Two gold-plated Browning 9mm Hi-Powers with ivory grips inlaid with gold, diamonds, and what looks like platinum. Who did this guy think he was, Castor Troy? I start to my feet, pause, and tuck the Brownings into my belt. What the heck, they look sweet.
Blondie and Lara have disappeared into the warehouse by now. Or at least they think they've disappeared; I hear what sounds like a chain rattling somewhere off to my right, so I head cautiously in that direction. My footsteps sound like thunder in the silence. I suddenly see a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye. I turn just as Blondie brings his Uzi around towards me. I fire three times until my Glock's slide locks back on an empty clip. Fortunately for me, the shots spooked Blondie into running for cover. I crouch behind a group of barrels and load a full magazine into the Glock. I can hear Blondie's feet pounding against the warehouse's concrete floor; he's running clear across the building. Good, he's not a threat right now. I stand, my eyes sweeping the warehouse for any sign of Lara.
I turn around, and there's Lara, an M-60 braced against her hip. Her finger slides inside the trigger guard.
Definitely not good!
I dive backwards as tracer rounds tear through the space my body was occupying a nanosecond earlier. My head and shoulders impact the bottom of a pile of something hard with a thwak! I deperately roll left as Lara demolishes whatever it was I hit with her machine gun. I slide behind a row of shelves covered in large plastic cases, and a second later Lara's heavy .30 caliber bullets try to follow me. One of the cases falls on top of me, its latches popping open as it hits. I shove the case off of me, inadvertently opening the lid, and salvation falls into my lap. Actually, it's an HK416.
Going up against an M-60 with a pistol, even a 10mm pistol (which is more powerful than a .357 Magnum) presents me with a large problem, but the HK416 is a gas-operated, rotating bolt, selective-fire 5.56mm assault rifle capable of firing up to 900 rounds per minute. And mine's got a loaded grenade launcher clipped under the barrel. Problem solved.
I slam a magazine into the receiver, yank back the charging handle, and flick the safety over to full auto. Lara-I've begun thinking of her as "Lady Rambo"- stops firing for a second, and I make my move. I leap around the corner, bring the rifle up, and there's Lara waiting for me. We squeeze our triggers simultaneously, and I can feel her bullets whizzing past my body. Unfortunately for her, I don't miss, and Lara goes down hard; the better part of a 30-round clip having been emptied into her chest.
I drop the magazine out of the HK and reach down for another one when I hear a shout behind me. I turn around and see Blondie standing maybe 80 feet away, his Uzi leveled at me. He yells to put my gun down, and I move to comply, when I see the barrels marked flammable right behind Blondie. Oh, this is too good to be true! I quick drop into a forward somersault, grab my spent clip, and slam it back into the receiver. Blondie's already opened up with his Uzi, but he's shooting over my head. I use the spent mag as a handgrip, flip the launcher's safety off, and fire. The grenade actually passes between Blondie's legs before it hits a barrel and detonates. Blondie's body is instantly consumed by the resulting fireball. The shockwave knocks me off my feet a second later.
As I pick myself off the floor, I can hear distant sirens over the roar of the now-raging fire. Time to go. I put the HK416 back in it's case, lock the lid down, and sling the case over my shoulder. I sigh as I pass Armani's body on the way out the door. That definitely hadn't gone as planned. Oh, well. Just another day at the office.
Posted by Raptor at 12:03 PM
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Before I get started, I must inform you all that, due to reader apathy, I am putting LotS on semi-indefinite suspension. I'll continue writing it from time to time but I won't be posting new chapters on the blog, at least for a while.
Okay, now that that's been taken care of, to business:
I recently discovered the website known to the masses as YouTube. For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past few months (like myself), YouTube is a website where people post videos of, well, just about anything!
While I was on YouTube the other day, I found a video of my favorite Swedish Chef skit. (Yes, I admit it, I like the Muppets!) I apologize for the poor video quality, but it's still funny. (I think it is anyway) Enjoy:
This is why I don't eat lobsters! They're vicious!
Anyways, I also found the trailer for the new James Bond Movie, Casino Royale, which hits theatres on November 17. Okay, I know a lot of people think the new actor playing James Bond, Daniel Craig, is going to be awful, but personally, I think he's gonna ROCK! Why, you ask? Because he does two things in the first 25 seconds of the trailer-the trailer!-that neither Roger Moore nor Goerge Lazenby (he was in one bond movie in the 60s) never came close to doing! The first is beating the living **** out of a bad guy. As for the second, well, you're gonna have to watch the trailer:
DANG THAT MOVIE LOOKS AWESOME! Can't wait for November 17!
That's all I've got for now. Later!
Posted by Raptor at 12:50 PM
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
I can't think of any other way to say this, so I'll be blunt; I'm thinking about abandoning Legacy of the Swan.
I have a couple of reasons for considering this move;
- I don't have any more completed chapters to post.
- I think I've written myself into a corner halfway through Chapter 4.
- I've developed a severe case of writer's block.
- I've received relatively little feedback, and what I have received hasn't been all that positive.
- I have other things I want to post on the blog, but I don't want to interrupt the story.
- Blogger becomes very uncooperative when I try to format each chapter. (What I'm currently doing is writing each chapter in MS Word and copying it into Blogger, which I don't think Blogger likes.)
Okay, my question to you all is this; should I continue writing Legacy of the Swan, and if I do keep writing, is it okay if I post other things in between chapters?
BE HONEST WITH ME! Once I stop writing, It'll be for good, so ff you tell me to quit as a joke and I take you seriously, don't come crying to me saying you were kidding
Posted by Raptor at 1:43 PM
Monday, October 9, 2006
Okay, before we get started, I've noticed that few people commented on Chapter 2, which leads me to believe that few people read Chapter 2. PLEASE READ CHAPTER 2 BEFORE YOU READ CHAPTER 3!!!
This is my last "pre-written" chapter, so I won't update again until I finish writing Chapter 4.
As before, constructive criticism is welcome, as are suggestions for future chapters and suggestions for a better title.
HEADS UP! THIS IS A LOOOOOONNNNG CHAPTER!
*NOTE* Blogger is giving me a lot of problems with formatting this chapter. I appoligize if it's confusing.
He’d been hunkered down by the side of this shallow pond for almost an hour now, waiting for the Huey to show up and pull him out. His heart skipped a beat every time the reeds rustled, afraid that the VC had found him. His flightsuit was soaked in water and sweat, the AK’s grips had grown slick in his moist hands.
"Siegfried?" Odette’s shocked whisper brought Siegfried back to the present.
Posted by Raptor at 5:26 PM
Saturday, October 7, 2006
Before I continue, I'd like to thank you all for your positive response to Chapter 1. This is actually the first story I've written that people have actually critiqued (the first one I've ever shown anyone), and I'm relieved to know that I can, in fact write!
This next chapter sidetracks a little bit from the story. It's main purpose is to give a little background information on Siegfried, as well as explain what the heck was happening in Chapter 1. Enjoy...
"You okay, Siegfried?" Ben asked, "You spaced out on me there for a minute."
"Uh, yeah, I'm fine," Siegfried replied.
"You sure?" Ben asked again, "You usually don't zone out like that."
"I'm positive," Siegfried assured him, "I was just thinking about this weird dream I had last night."
"You mean the one where you're standing in the locker room buck naked and everyone else on the team is wearing Hello Kitty BDUs?" It took Siegfried a full minute to bring his laughter under control.
"No," he said, wiping the tears from his eyes, "that was your dream, remember?"
"No way, Sig," Ben said, "You told the team about it at the bar that time you got rip-roarin' drunk."
"That was you who was drunk up to your eyeballs," Siegfried replied with a laugh, "No, you're the one who had that dream. You told us about it right before the Captain overheard you describing the one where you were in the forest with the his sister and then he..."
"Uh, well, ah... who's Odette?" Ben asked, desperate to change the subject.
"Who?" Siegfried asked, confused.
"You mentioned her name right at the end of your little vacation from reality," Ben said, "So, who is she?"
"I mentioned her name?" Siegfried asked.
"You did indeed," Ben asked, "She the girl you met in the park last night?"
"Yeah," Siegfried said, "yeah, she is."
"How'd you meet her again?"
"Okay," Siegfried sighed, "for the fifth time. I had just gotten off duty and was driving my car home from headquarters when I saw a swan flying in front of me, headed into Wakefield Park."
"Near that abandoned skyscraper." Ben interrupted.
"Right. Anyway, I thought that it'd make a good photo for my collection, so I pulled over, grabbed my camera out of the glove compartment..."
"I still can't believe you keep a camera in you car." Ben said.
"You want me to tell you this again nor not?" Siegfried exclaimed. At Ben's meek nod, he continued, "So like I was saying, I grabbed my camera, got out of the car, and jogged into the park. I thought the sawn was heading towards the small lake in the center of the park, but I lost it in the trees. When I got to the lake, the bird was nowhere in sight. Instead, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen is standing right at the water's edge. I walk over, say hello, we talk for a little while, I leave, end of story."
"You tell her you're a cop?" Ben asked.
"I was still in full uniform, so it was pretty obvious," Siegfried said.
"I know that, but did you tell her anyway?"
"Yeah, I did," Siegfried admitted with an embarrassed chuckle, "she laughed and said she would never have guessed. Anyway, she said she'd meet me in the park tonight when after my shift ends, around 8:00 or so. "
"Did you invite her to go to the Commissioner's Ball with you tomorrow night?" Ben asked.
"Not yet," Siegfried said with a chuckle, "but I'm planning to tonight." Ben started laughing.
"Good one, partner. You almost convinced me you were serious."
"I am serious," Siegfried insisted. Ben's laughter died abruptly.
"You mean you really did ask her?" Siegfried nodded. "Why? I mean, you just met her yesterday, man. Isn't this a little sudden?"
"Ben, do you believe in love at first sight?" Siegfried asked.
"Yeah, sure," Ben replied, "all the time. The feeling usually ends when I get a drink thrown in my face." At Siegfried's annoyed glare, he quickly continued, "Sorry. Uh, no, hasn't happened to me yet."
"It happened to me last night," Siegfried said, "I saw her and it felt like... I don't know how to describe it. Our eyes met, and it seemed like we'd known each other forever." At Ben's disbelieving look, Siegfried decided to quit while he was ahead. "Well, anyway, I'm still going to ask her tonight."
A sudden, insistent chirping cut off any further conversation. In unison, the pair pulled their pagers from their belts and glanced at the displays. Both saw the same message: S.W.A.T.
"Right behind you, Sig," Ben replied. The two police officers moved briskly towards the coffee shop door, their discussion forgotten.
Posted by Raptor at 3:01 PM
Friday, October 6, 2006
I've decided that I'm going to begin posting chapters of Legacy of the Swan despite a relative lack of (serious) feedback.
Just as a warning, to understand what's going on, you need some basic understanding of the plotline for Swan Lake. If you don't know squat about Swan Lake, click here for information.
And now, without further ado, Legacy of the Swan; Chapter 1
"I swear a vow of everlasting love and faithfulness to you, my beloved Odette."
Siegfried's words still echoed in his mind as he held his dying love in his arms. How could he have been so blind? How could he have let himself be fooled by Rothbart's treachery?
"I swear a vow of everlasting love and faithfulness..."
He could feel Odette's life slipping away, knew that it was his fault, knew that there was nothing he could do to save her. And yet he begged her to stay with him, begged her for her forgiveness.
"...a vow of everlasting love and faithfulness..."
Tears streamed from his eyes as he pleaded with her not to leave him. Too late. Odette took one final breath and slowly fell away from his embrace.
"...everlasting love and faithfulness..."
Gently, he laid her on the soft grass, his tears glistening in the moonlight. He knelt next to her body, weeping openly, until he had no more tears left to cry.
A burning rage slowly filled him. He rose to his feet and, drawing his sword, marched towards the ruined tower where Rothbart awaited him.
"...my beloved Odette."
The two combatants met in the tower doorway. No words were exchanged as their eyes locked. For a moment, they stared each other down silently.
Siegfried's cry of rage split the night as he charged the sorcerer. Their swords met in a blinding shower of sparks, Siegfried savagely driving Rothbart back into the tower. The wizard effortlessly blocked Siegfried's attacks, yet continued to allow the prince to drive him further back into the ruin.
"...a vow of everlasting love..."
Siegfried's attacks grew more and more desperate as he vainly attempted to breach Rothbart's defenses. Rothbart smiled wickedly as they fought, taunting the grief-stricken Siegfried.
"...love and faithfulness..."
At that moment, the sorcerer made his move. In one quick motion, he knocked aside Siegfried's sword, reversed his stance, and drove his sword through the prince's chest.
White-hot pain raced through Siegfried's body as he felt his strength leave him.
Siegfried fell weakly to his knees as Rothbart's foul laughter filled the tower.
Another wave of indescribable pain lanced through him as Rothbart pulled the sword from his chest.
Rothbart drew the blade back in preparation for the final blow...
... and Siegfried knew he was about to die.
But he did not fear his death...
...he welcomed it, for without his love...
...his life had no purpose.
He whispered her name one last time...
...as he felt Rothbart's blade bite into his neck, and knew the end had...
"Siegfried? You awake?" Siegfried blinked, the vision of Rothbart vanishing before him. Instead of a ruined tower, he found himself sitting at a table in a coffee shop, his partner, Ben Palmer, slouched in the chair across from him.
Posted by Raptor at 4:55 PM
Thursday, October 5, 2006
I've decided to post some details about my story in order to get better feedback from you guys.
(NOTE: I tried originally to include this as an edit of my previous post, but Blogger wasn't cooperate)
I haven't decided on a final title yet, but as of now it's tenatively titled Legacy of the Swan.
This is as much of a plot summary as I can give without letting anything major slip out;
After police officer Siegfried Bauer meets a seemingly ordinary woman in a park one night, a series of odd dreams, bizarre events, and hidden memories reveal an ancient legacy, a powerful love, a terrible curse, and a cycle of events that must be broken lest history be forced to repeat itself yet again.
Excited? Intrigued? The least bit curious? Please let me know.
I have to tell you that the story involves a series of flashbacks, but they will all (hopefully) make sense when integrated into the story. I know that some readers hate flashbacks and/or find them confusing, but they're essential if the story is to have the impact I want it to have.
SERIOUS FEEDBACK ONLY! (this means you, nerdjedi!)
Posted by Raptor at 8:11 PM
...if I started posting chapters of a story I'm writing, would you want to read it? I've got a work-in-progress going right now and want to get some feedback.
Also, any ideas for further stories would be greatly appreciated.
If you want to read a basic plot summary of the story I'm working on, let me know and I'll post one.
THE QUOTES ARE BACK!
Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.HASTA LA VISTA, LECTORES!--Elvis Presley
*good bye, readers*
Posted by Raptor at 4:04 PM
Wednesday, October 4, 2006
Okay, my contest is over. Nobony really won, as San just re-submitted my sample list, and the other two submitters commented their entries anonymously...
So, without further ado, we have:
- Luke Skywalker: Elijah Wood
- Princes Leia: no entries
- Han Solo: Johnny Depp
- Lando Calrissian: no entries
- Obi-Wan Kenobi: Patrick Stewart
- Emperor Palpatine: no entries
and, as a bonus (thanks Jeff):
- Voice of Darth Vader: That Announcer Guy from the Movies
Well, that's it. I'm kinda disappointed by the lack of (serious) entries. I'll try again later.
I've given up on that ending quote thing because I'm too lazy to look for new quotes. Oh, well. Such is life...
Posted by Raptor at 3:59 PM
Tuesday, October 3, 2006
I gotta admit, I'm getting concerned over the lack of response to my Recasting Star Wars contest. All I've got are Humphrey Bogart playing Han Solo, and he's dead so that doesn't count, and Sam re-enacting the movies with puppets and doing the voices himself. This isn't what I expected at all. Here's a sample cast list:
- Luke Skywalker: Brandon Routh (Superman Returns)
- Princess Leia Organa: Katie Holmes
- Han Solo: Hugh Jackman
- Lando Calrissian: Laurence Fishburne
- Obi-Wan Kenobi: Michael Cane
- Emperor Palpatine: Ian McKellan
Okay, I hope that helps. CONTEST ENDS TOMORROW! Get the entries in, people.
Posted by Raptor at 3:09 PM
Monday, October 2, 2006
This is a poster I cooked up for nerdjedi's first Movie Poster Contest on Multimedia of the Mind. It didn't win, much to my chargrin. It lost to Sam's Snakes in a Car poster. Not that I'm jealous or anything (okay, maybe I am. A little)...
Anyways, the movie is called Stargate: Oblivion (duh). I actually made this before Tim announced his contest, having just discovered the wonder of Flickr Photo Toys, but decided that it would make a great entry. But nerdjedi was looking for a funny poster, and mine didn't cut the mustard.
Anyways, the movie (if it was ever made) would take place about five years from now, so about Season 15 for SG-1 and Season 8 for Atlantis. The Stargate Program is now public knowledge. Humanity is slowly but surely colonizing the Milky Way and Pegasus Galaxies The Goa'uld, Wraith, Replicators, Ori, and whatever other aiens the SGC may have fought have all been defeated, the original SG-1 team has been permanetly disbanded, all is right with the universe. That is, until a race of powerfu, ruthless aliens (unnamed at this point) from an unknown galaxy invade the Pegasus Galaxy and begin a sweeping conquest towards Earth. And that's all I have figured out right now (Maybe there could be a sequal?)
I was going to announce another contest, this one relating to movie posters, when I remembered that my computer has a thing about email attachments (when I try to open one, my computer freezes up), so I guess that won't happen until my email starts working again, or until I get a new computer (January...)
Well, that's all I got right now. Comment in your Star Wars recasting entries PLEASE! (All I've got right now is Humphry Bogart to play Han Solo) and let me know what you think of the poster.
Posted by Raptor at 12:34 PM